Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
