I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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