My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
