Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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