You made me cry and you don't even care
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
