i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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