he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
