Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
