I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
