Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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