I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
