R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
