You can't special order awesome
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
