So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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