im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
