i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
If I die, sorry about rent.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
