I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
He did a backflip because drugs
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