Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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