Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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