She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
