I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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