Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
