A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
