I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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