fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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