Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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