yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
