worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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