I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
