Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
