So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
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