he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
