I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
