You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
tell me about the fingering
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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