I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
