i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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