she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
