there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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