The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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