im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
