How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
