im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
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