get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
