I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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