She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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