I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
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