this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
