remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
