She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
