am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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